Jon Moy Had His Internet Ruthlessly Disconnected

tl;dr is a weekly roundup of the best posts on Highsnobiety written by Four Pins alumnus, Jon Moy. He kindly hopes you’ll read it more than you did Four Pins.

You guys, the internet at my house broke this week. That’s fucking wild.

When I called to inform them of the situation, my internet provider was like, “Oh, the means with which you commiserate with other human beings and make some semblance of a living isn’t working? Tight, tight, tight, we’ll be out to help you on the 8th day of the week.” Which meant this week’s consumption had to be done entirely on my phone at fairly rapid cellular data rates… so you guys better appreciate what this cost me.

Cellular internet is like stepping back to another age. I lowballed someone on Grailed using a 3G connection like it was the Mesozoic Era. They ignored my offer, just like my girlfriend ignored my pain and told me to, “just go to the coffee shop and work, maybe you’ll make a friend.” That betrayal weighs on me heavily as I type this missive out to you, my only true supporters left in this world.

This week, I’m gonna show you links in reverse chronological order. It’ll be like we’re time traveling together because, sometimes, you need a little magic in this mundane life. I’m a big fan of the crew over at Oi Polloi for a few reasons: one, because I really want to live in Northern England, and two, because they style really great editorials.

Check out this one where they shot some photos next to fast Japanese cars. They have some pretty strong “standing next to nice cars you don’t own” poses. My personal best pose ever came in front of a Chevy Cutlass with like 800 inch rims. It was an Asian squat/Rap squat hybrid, and it was such a strong pose that my friend keeps the photo on his phone in case he comes across a youth he needs to show exactly what not to do in life.

Did you guys know that Siki Im is one of my favorite designers? Did you also know that he was in a band before? One time my friends and I entered a battle of the bands contest and for our song we covered that Paula Abdul song that goes, “d-d-d-do you love me?” and we totally lost because we were way better at arranging the sweatbands on our arms than actually playing music of any kind. Anyways, check out this post from the latest print edition of Highsnobiety Magazine to read more about Siki Im.

These size? x Reebok Classics “Gelato” sneakers are dope and remind me of that one time I went to Florence to attend Pitti Uomo with a bunch of guys who had no business being at Pitti Uomo. It was my first and only time in Italy and, you guys, I ate so much gelato. So much that even if these shoes weren’t dope I’d write about them. That’s how much I love gelato.

In fact, the second day we were in Florence, a former Editor-in-Chief of a now-defunct menswear site that rhymes with Four Pins made fun of me for like the whole length of a piazza when I dumped half my affogato all over my expensive single needle, handmade Italian shirt. Later on, we ate at the same pizzeria that the kids from Jersey Shore worked at during the season they lived in Italy. Lesson learned? Never let me or my friends ever go to Italy.

I finally realized why I fuck with Diadoras so heavy. In high school, I was the only kid on the team with fresh Diadoras, because everyone on the team was supposed to wear all black cleats, but I had already bought white Diadoras. So there I was, fucking stunting on my teammates in some coke white soccer cleats. My coach was like, “you better get a new pair of cleats,” and I was like, “NO ONE CALLS THEM ‘CLEATS’ THAT IS PAINFULLY COLONIAL OF YOU” and he made me run laps for five practices straight.

I never got new boots, because this other kid Kyle got a pair of red ones and said his mom would beat his ass if he had to buy a new pair. Internally, I refer to those all-white Diadoras as my “Jordan getting fined for wearing Jordans” moment.

Hey, remember how everyone was trying to remake the wristwatch using the latest technology, until we all collectively remembered that we already remade the pocketwatch using the latest phone technology? Yeah, so watches should make a comeback not because we need them, but because we want them.

Unnecessary lifestyle flourishes are what truly sets us apart from the animals. This Engineered Garments x Timex watch is dope because the face is the mirror image of a normal Timex watch, which means you probably can’t tell time with this watch at all… which makes it even doper. If someone questions the reasoning behind wearing a watch that doesn’t tell time, gently remind them that everything in life is artifice and affectation.

See you web hustlers next week…

— Jon Moy

Check back next Sunday for a new edition of tl;dr

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